Masculinity in America and Me

Hi. Welcome to A Manly Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Matthew Manly Pincus. On A Manly Podcast, I discuss issues related to men and masculinity in American media, culture and society.

In the 2024 presidential election, Trump won the overwhelming support of men across the country. Toxic masculinity is represented far more in American media and culture than positive forms of masculinity. This is a space to dive into understanding different forms of masculinity and sharing alternative, more inclusive forms of masculinity.

Let’s get into it!

On the first episode of A Manly Podcast, I’ll start by defining masculinity and toxic masculinity, talk about these terms in relation to the 2024 election. Then we’ll end with talking about my own masculinity. Let’s dive in.

Now, my middle name is actually Manly despite me being a pretty slender, bony guy. I’ve never fit the stereotypical definition of a brawny, manly man.

What is even the stereotype of a manly man? What is masculinity? What is toxic masculinity? What is being highly masculine?

Now, a simple definition of masculinity is, “having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with men or boys.” But that of course leads to the question, “What are the traditional qualities or appearance of a man or boy?”

Boys and men have many different appearances and qualities. We all pick up on influences from family, friends, peers, society and culture differently. Each man has a unique way of expressing their masculinity, but often men feel boxed in by traditional stereotypes of masculinity that veer towards toxic.

What is toxic masculinity? Well, a simple definition of the word toxic means poisonous, but its second definition means “harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.” Combine this with the masculinity definition from above, and it’s something along the lines of a traditional quality of a man that makes them harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.

Elements of toxic masculinity are everywhere in American culture and society. It’s not surprising to me, looking from this lens, how Trump won men by a staggering 12 point margin, 55-43 percent. It’s easy for men in America to condone toxic masculine behavior because often it’s accepted, and even celebrated.

Toxic masculinity encourages a set of rigid behaviors and expectations for how a man should behave and act. Traditional american masculine standards that lean towards toxic are: 

• Not showing weakness, always being tough
• Being emotionally self-reliant. Not crying or showing vulnerability.
• Being physically attractive, but not spending too much time on one’s looks
• Anti-femininity, adhering to 1950s like gender roles
• Being homophobic 
• Being aggressive, violent
• And thinking danger is exciting and sensational

A lot of the articles I looked up about toxic masculinity were trying to be impartial observers on the topic. Trying to come at it from a clinical perspective. And certainly there are plenty of traditional, masculine, manly men who are caring, supportive, positive people. That is completely different than toxic masculinity, or toxic masculine behavior and actions.

For instance, there are many friendly, buff men. And there are a lot of men who spend a lot of time on their looks, is an important way a lot of men express their masculinity. Sometimes people feel they have to be emotionally self-reliant to protect others, especially family or friends. A man in an executive role at a professional company or organization may be seen as a leader and people like his goal-setting directives that drive success and happiness. Manly is a malleable term.

It can also be a word though co-opted and used to describe toxic masculine behaviors. These can lead to larger issues such as sexual harassment and assault, domestic abuse violence. Toxic masculinity is a symptom of larger systemic, issues like sexism and patriarchy.

For those who may not be familiar, sexism refers to prejudice, discrimination or stereotyping, typically against women. Patriarchy refers to a system of government run by men from which women are mainly excluded from.

An ugly truth that’s been revealed in the last three election cycles is that their is a deep-rooted sexism among a majority of American men who do not want a woman as U.S. President. Vice President Harris lost men by 12 points. Hilary in 2016 lost men by 11 points, 41% to Trump’s 52%. Biden on the other hand only lost men by 2 points in 2020, 48% to Trump’s 50%.

Pew Research Center released a report a couple of weeks before the presidential election titled, “How Americans see Men and Masculinity.” Most people have positive or neutral views about manly, masculine men. And Americans definition of masculinity is changing. For instance, many have liberal views of gender roles like 57% of people say its extremely or very acceptable for men to be stay-at-home dads while their wives are the sole financial providers. 42% of people say it’s very acceptable for men to care a lot about their appearance and put a lot of effort into their style and fashion.

Most Americans say that masculinity focuses too much on traits like physical strength, or assertiveness and being a risk-taker. Instead, about 6 in 10 people believe we don’t focus enough on masculine qualities like being caring, soft-spoken, affectionate, or open about our emotions.

The large outlier in this study is about a quarter of all Americans who believe people have negative views of those who are “manly or masculine.” Among Republican men, this increases to 45% and almost all of these people believe this is a bad trend for the country. What’s striking about this though is that a majority of Republican, and conservative men identify themselves as highly masculine. For Republicans, it’s 53%, and conservatives, 60%. Despite feeling like people mostly have negative views of their masculinity and believing this is bad, they choose to lean into a more macho identity.

Of all American men, 42% identify as highly masculine and only 29% of Democrats. Now, I don’t know what being highly masculine means or how Pew defines this term. Again, there a lot of manly, masculine men, or probably men who identify as masculine who are caring, supportive, positive people. What the Pew study does suggest though is that Americans want less of men who have that traditional type of manliness and who are more caring and affectionate.

A majority of Americans want inclusive alternatives to those traditional standards of masculinity, that narrow definition of what it means to be a man. And there are plenty of men who express this everyday just going about their lives being themselves. I imagine there’s not a lot of men who think about their masculinity on a daily basis. I definitely don’t wake up and say, “How am I going to express my masculinity today?” Even men who identify as highly masculine, are probably not highly masculine 24/7. Like almost all of us, in public we project an image or put on a social mask for any number of reasons.

However, when Trump won the election, men who identify as highly masculine were vindicated for their beliefs. Even though the country says it doesn’t want more hyper-manliness, that image of strongman masculinity is now associated (and will be for the next four years) with political power. It will have a stronger presence in our culture and I imagine will become more socially acceptable in some ways.

Throughout election season, Harris was always behind in the polls when it came to her perception as a leader. Here I believe is that deep-rooted, ingrained sexism that exists, especially here in America. A majority of people, men more specifically cling to the idea of patriarchy when it comes to choosing their President. No matter how qualified a woman is, a strong white man (despite a tarnished record) prevailed both times.

The President-Elect campaigned and won on his identity as a hyper-masculine leader, the strongman champion of patriarchal values and traditional manliness. However, this version of traditional masculinity is couched in this type of toxic masculinity and according to the Pew Research Center report, Trump would be considered a toxic male role model whose behavior would be unacceptable to most people.

In the Pew study, 75% of people thought it was unacceptable for a man to join in a conversation if other men were talking about a woman in a sexual way. Only 8% of adults actually believed this was very acceptable, the “locker room talk” from the Access Hollywood tape in 2015.

In another question that asked if it was acceptable to throw a punch if provoked, 62% of people said it was not acceptable, and only 13% of people said it was very acceptable. The President-Elect loves going to UFC matches and is a fan of male combat. He is portrayed as a Rambo-esque patriot. After giving a speech to his supporters (mostly men), they marched on and stormed the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6th, 2021 in an attempt to stop the certification of President Biden’s victory in the 2020 election. The ecosystem of the far-right media, as I was just reading about recently, are defined by hyper-masculine personalities, constantly stoking fear in their viewers. There are many more Trump friends, allies and donors circling his orbit who, regardless of their ideologies or beliefs, have been accused of or associated with financial crimes, assault, and domestic violence. There’s so much more we could go into, but I think after 9 (what will be 13 long years) following the Trump reality show, we all know his brand of masculine bravado and scorched earth politics.

What America really wants is guys who more are positive, caring, affectionate, men. People think men should express their feelings more and feel comfortable stepping out of their gender roles. Take me for instance. By the Pew Research report Center standards, I would consider myself “lean masculine.” I’m a cisgender heteronormative white guy who likes spending time with his wife, likes watching sports, likes spending time with his cats. I can be affectionate, but I’m also bad at showing vulnerability in front of people. I don’t like crying in front of people.

I definitely don’t define myself as highly masculine though. I tend to be a pretty fussy person. I do spend a while getting ready. I’ve never been in a fight because I don’t have necessarily that buff, physical strength. I’m a pretty, skinny, slender person. And, I do a lot of housework around our home. I do a lot of the domestic work.

That’s one of the reasons I’m doing this podcast. To share that however someone wants to express their gender, however they want to express their masculinity, that’s okay. As long as we don’t harm or hurt others.

Another element of me that defines my masculinity is my love for American culture through literature and movies. I bring this up because 66% of men in the Pew Research report said that their father influenced their ideas of what it is to be a man a great deal or a fair amount. For me, it’s pretty similar.

I grew up staring at a very large bookcase in our living room while I played video games with friends on our TV, maybe Crash Bandicoot, maybe Madden. But as I get older, I did start reading more books and wanted to become a writer. But in my journey to become a writer, I started to have a passion and a love for American literature.

My dad is not a guy’s guy. Definitely not a highly masculine man. He’s never been a guy whose good with cars or home improvement. I can’t imagine my dad as a cowboy or on a tractor. He’s definitely not a farmer. He’s not a fisher, he’s not a hunter. I went fishing with him once on Catalina Island and my fishing pole got stuck to the pier, and that was the last time he wanted to go fishing.

What my dad is good at is talking about and writing about art and books. My grandmother loved reading and he started to read. Later in college, he got into going to galleries and art shows. He enjoyed writing, he loved culture, and was a skilled journalist who worked at the local paper in San Diego for many years.

In 1998, I took a road trip with my dad, kind of a father-son summer journey that lasted about a little over a week I think. He was doing a an extensive article for the paper about art museums and art attractions up and down the central and southern CA coast. Me and my dad were cute together I’m sure. He’s a short, dorky man with glasses and I was a small, scrawny kid, about 60 pounds or so with glasses as well. I enjoyed that road trip. I enjoyed some of the art, even though I was young.

His masculinity is sharing about art and culture with others in the local community, supporting students in the classroom, and being a nice guy. His love for culture and books rubbed off on me, and I’m glad I got a little piece of it.

Like most men in America, I don’t identify with Trump’s brand of masculinity because I’m not highly masculine, and it doesn’t fit me. I believe in sharing a more positive, inclusive masculinity where men can feel open to share their emotions, be soft-spoken, be respectful and equitable towards women, seek nonviolent solutions to conflict and care for the environment.

On this podcast, I want to share with you topics and issues in culture and current events that relate to how men can create more inclusive spaces of masculinity by being more conscious of the world around us and sharing perspectives to ignite change.

I appreciate you being generous with your time and listening to the first episode of A Manly Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

I’m looking forward to sharing about a topic related to men and masculinity each week. On my next episode, I’ll be talking about masculinity in the hit Hollywood action film Gladiator II. We’ll be getting into how Hollywood films can reinforce perceptions of toxic masculinity in America. Till next time!